Horizons

It looks like we're in for a snowstorm - anywhere from 3 to 12 inches is the prediction. Actually, I love snowstorms - I kind of miss them. Ohio doesn't get nearly as much snow as Michigan does, and most of the winter here is spent looking at brown grass rather than white snow. I smile when the kids say "oh wow, look at all that snow" - and there might be two inches on the ground!

Things here are so-so. Just lots of changes to think through, adjust to, and accept. Transitioning to a new stage of life this time around seems to be more difficult than before - and I wonder if that's because I'm older now, or if it's because this transition is truly harder than the other ones.

DQ turns 16 in two weeks. In just two short years, she'll be leaving for college! I didn't get the chance to prepare for TP's leaving in advance because we were so focused on her health, so when the time came for her to actually leave last fall, it came as a real shock to me. I don't think that I helped TP as much as I should have for all the changes she would go through, and I know I didn't prepare myself in advance to help me get through it all. But, I am hoping that over the course of the next two years, I'll be able to prepare myself and prepare DQ for the changes which will happen in both of our lives when she leaves the nest.

These transitions in our lives challenge us - and we either grow in our relationships with each other and with God, or we become bitter and angry over leaving behind a certain period in our lives which we've thoroughly enjoyed, or we get "stuck" in our old patterns of behavior rather than changing or adapting to our new lives. I admit I'm stumbling - I'm trying to grow in light of these changes, but there are times that I try desperately to hold on to the old rather than embrace the new. At times, I find myself with tears in my eyes as I remember when the girls were little- and I catch my breath because it hurts to think things are never going to be the same as they used to be, with their little girl giggles and their words of "you're the best mommy ever". I truly do know in my head that there are wonderful times ahead for me (hey, the best is yet to come, right?) - but my heart still longs for the simpler times of having both girls safely tucked into their beds at night.

So, while the snow is swirling around me tomorrow, I will remember the simpler times when I was a child and how the snow would mesmerize me. I would stare at it and wonder what my life would be like when I would be older. A part of that mystery has been solved, for I have lived many years - but there is still much more to discover about what God has in store for me. And I look forward to (albeit, at times, a bit reluctantly) seeing what this next stage of my life will bring.