Sunday, January 25, 2009



Two Months

It will be two months ago tomorrow that TP left here and moved away. I hear from her sometimes.

Words can't begin to describe what it's been like without her. In some ways, it is like a death. In all ways, it is an almost unbearable loss.

I am functioning better as time goes on. I am still a mom to DQ, who is a senior and definitely experiencing "senioritis" and who has been having some serious heath problems of her own. My private practice is still going strong. I am trying to discern God's will for what He wants me to do with the rest of my life, now that the tasks of motherhood are cosuming less of my time, but not necessarily less of my prayers or my thoughts.

It boils down to one major challenge/hurdle/issue - I miss her. I miss her hugs. I miss spending time with her - going to church with her, going to lunch, going shopping, watching "Gilmore Girls" with her, helping her, comforting her, listening to her talk about her day, laughing with her. But, most of all, I miss hearing her say, everyday, "I love you, Momma." There is a huge void in my life which I can't seem to fill and time can't seem to erase. Grief has settled in my heart, and it feels so heavy right now.

I don't talk to others about it much anymore, even my husband. I pray a lot - and God has helped me through this so much with His grace and comforth and strength. My husband has been a rock. My youngest is worried about me, and I try so hard to stay focused on her needs right now, but she knows I am still sad.

I know you've been wondering how I've been doing - and now you know. I plan to begin to write more frequently, but I needed this break to just go through all of this privately. I have felt your prayers, and I appreciate them.

3 Comments:

At 9:37 AM, Blogger annb said...

Val,
I think about you often and know how "empty" you must feel! There are no words that can bring comfort or fill that void that has replaced the presence of your daughter. I continue to pray that she will seek and realize God's plan for her and that He will hold you tightly and give you the comfort and peace that only He can provide.
In His Love and Blessings,
annb

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

Think how many of us are carrying our own crosses these days. Think how many more will shoulder theirs as the economy continues to worsen. You and I both know, that as Chesterton said, the cross is a key to life, as well as a signpost for free travelers. It's hard to keep this in mind as you're lugging yours along, though, isn't it? Faith, hope and love, Val.

 
At 9:13 AM, Blogger Valerie said...

Ann - Thank you for your kind words and prayers. You've been a wonderful blogging friend! I think of you often, too.

Kevin - Thanks for your wisdom and perspective and support.

 

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