November 9, 2005

I wrote this three years ago, about the events of what transpired on this miraculous anniversary.

". . . TP took a huge turn for the worse at the hospital. Her temperature just wouldn't go down - it was at 104.8*. She was listless, almost comatose. Her blood pressure kept on dropping, dangerously low (the lowest I remember seeing it was 98/22). She had sepsis, and they didn't know the cause. The doctors decided to transfer her to the PICU unit where she could be monitored at all times by her very own nurse. I remember looking at her attending physicial, and bluntly asking if TP was going to make it. His reply was vague, which didn't calm my nerves any.

"I stood by the window, looking out into the distance where the sun's glow was diminishing into an autumn sunset. For the first time in almost 18 years, I was terrified of losing my daughter. We had been through so much, what with the lupus diagnosis 18 months ago, but even with that, I just knew she was going to be all right. This time, I had a very sick feeling in my stomach, and I was sobbing.

"I was able to compose myself enough to follow TP down the the PICU unit. When we arrived, they told me I had to wait in the waiting room for about 20 minutes until they could get her situated in her bed. I kissed her hot forehead, and her eyelids fluttered in response. I went into the waiting room, and just dropped into a chair. I was aware of other people looking at me, but it didn't matter. It was at that point in time that I began to pray feverishly. I found myself talking to Mary, realizing she KNEW what I was going through, because she had watched her Son suffer so much as well. I don't remember all that I said to her or what I prayed to God, but in a matter of a few minutes, I found myself saying the Rosary. It's a beautiful prayer. I asked Mary to take my prayers to her Son, and to intercede on my behalf, for TP to be helad. I called upon my own deceased mother to pray for TP. I also called on TP's great-grandmother (whom TP was named after) to pray for TP's recovery. All of these prayers were mixed in with saying the Rosary.

"Those twenty minutes seemed like twenty hours. They finally called me back to ther area, and I opened the curtains up - and there she was, sitting up and alert and talking to the doctors and nurses!! I must have looked extremely shocked, because TP looked at me and said, "Mom, are you okay?" I said I was just fine, but I asked what had just happened here. The doctors went on to say that a few minutes after they had wheeled Sara back to her area, she "woke up" and starting talking. They had no explanation for it whatsoever. Dare I say that this was a miracle?"

I am now confronted with asking for another miracle. I'm frightened for my daughter on many levels. The battle was for her physical life was three years ago. The battle for her spiritual life and emotional well-being is now being waged. This is a much more difficult battle to win. I have prayed to Mary again, I have prayed to God. I have prayed to my mom and TP's great-grandmother. The sick feeling in my stomach isn't going away. All I can do is pray that God touches her heart and soul, and helps her to see the truth of this situation which she is in. I pray that she comes home to Him and to us with a humble, contrite, and repentant heart.

I miss her hugs so much it hurts. I miss our relationship, which was so kind and loving. I miss watching her grow in spirit, in her faith, in her maturity, in her knowledge.

Dare I ask for yet another miracle, three years to the date after receiving THE miracle of miracles?

And, if you could say some prayers for me this week as I face some medical tests, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.