Thursday, April 09, 2009

Today was the day

Today was the day that you were going to be headed home. Last night was going to be your last night at your job, and you were going to leave the empty promises and the arguing and the drinking and the emotional/verbal abuse and stress behind, and come home where you could live without stress (which is so important for you at this stage of the game). But, somewhere along the line, people gave you advice to "work things out", to give him "one more chance"; or more promises were made and you believed him yet again.

You were shocked when I said that if your dad EVER called me those disgusting and vile names that your boyfirend calls you, that I would be out the front door in a heartbeat, never to return. You said "Even if you LOVED him?" And my reply at that time didn't cover everything I should have said. I replied that I would leave him because I have self-respect for myself and wouldn't stand for somebody to treat me with such contempt and disrespect. What I should have also said is that if anybody treats you like that, calls you names like that, consistently breaks promises and lies to you, constantly threatens to break up if you don't do what he wants you to do - then it is NOT love. It is abuse, it is control, it is manipulation.

Let me ask you this. Has he made you a better person? Are you a better person now than what you were when you first started dating him? Are you still going to church? Do you still have the same values? Do you treat us and your sister with respect and kindness and concern? Are you still unselfish like you used to be? Do you respect yourself? Have you turned your back against all that you were taught? Have you disowned your life and the people in it prior to meeting him (and that includes your very close friends)? Look at the people you hang around with - do they have goals in their lives, are they successful, do they go to church and have activities with their family members which center around their faith, or do they party and smoke and gamble and drink a lot? Do they have meaning in their lives, or are their lives devoid of substance?

You were once a 4.0 student, with a huge scholarship to a top 100 university. You had plans to become a pediatric nurse. You were active at church. You had great friends who supported you and loved you. Your community was there behind you all the way when you were so gravely ill, and they cheered when you went into remission. You were active in many groups and clubs which emphasized scholarly ambition and your faith and your values. What has this person brought into your life? Look at the difference between your life now and your life then. And then ask yourself - "is this the kind of life I want a child to be brought up in? " It would be a life WITHOUT purpose, goals, or a strong church community - and WITH stress and chaos and arguing and not being able to have needs met (physical, spiritual, emotiona, psychological.) You are MY child, and this is not the kind of life I want for you. Of course, it is your decision to make, but what about your future child? Which kind of environment do you want for him or her?

How I wish you were on the road right now - coming back home. We would welcome you with open arms and loving hearts. Tonight, after Holy Thursday services, I will stay for Eucharistic Adoration. I will pray for your safety and for your health. I will pray for your return home to us and to your Lord and to your faith. I will pray that you will find the strength and courage to disengage from the people who are causing you so much harm and who have turned you against us so badly. I will pray that you will break free from the chains which bind you right now. I know it may take months or years for your return. But, during this season of the Easter miracle, I will pray for a miracle that your heart will be softened, and you will accept our invitation to come home, where you will find love and respect and tenderness waiting in abundance for you.

Happy Easter, sweetie! We'll miss you at Mass, we'll miss you at brunch, and I'll miss making up a basket for you this year. But your presence will still be with us in our hearts, as I hope that ours will still be with you. We love you.


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