A Family's Struggle

DQ holds so many things inside - at times, I worry about her because I am never quite sure what she is thinking or feeling. She's been through a lot over the past three years, and I'm amazed at her strength and resilency.

As most of my regular readers know, DQ is biracial. She went through a terrible time for almost two years when she attended a small parochial school in a small town about 20 miles north of here. Her experiences there proved that racism still does exist in our culture, and there is a huge reluctance to admit that among school administrators who would rather bury their heads in the sand than confront the problem head on. In fact, DQ was actually blamed for the problem, and they tried to portray her as a "problem child" - which is SO ridiculous because she's so meek and quiet in a classroom setting that teachers almost have to beg her to participate in class discussions. She was home-schooled the last quarter of her 8th grade year to get her out of that hostile environment, and it gave her some time to heal. As you can imagine, her self-esteem suffered as a result, and she did go to a counselor for awhile.

It was also during this time period that her older sister became gravely ill and was in the hospital. I was unable to spend much time with DQ because most of my time and energy was devoted to TP. I was torn - and to this day, I feel guilty because I was so wrapped up with one child that I overlooked the other child's needs. I feel that DQ suffered as a result of that, and is paying for it to this day.

Last night, DQ came downstairs with tears in her eyes - which is so unusual for her that immediately I knew that she was suffering a great deal. She opened up tremendously - and spoke about how painful it has been to live here in our house lately. The strain of the past several years is catching up with all of us - and it's taking its' ugly toll on our relationships. The past few months, and especially the past few weeks, have been especially difficult. She shared with me how that the arguing goes through her heart and soul, and that she misses the closeness she once had with her older sister. It's been painful for DQ to watch her older sister turn away from us - and it hurts her to see how TP has treated us as she transitions into adulthood.

The only way I could respond to DQ was to hug her and comfort her. I couldn't promise that it will get better because I don't know that it will. It has renewed my determination to not engage in fighting, to place responsibility where it is supposed to go, and to pray like crazy that this darkness which has settled on to my family will finally be lifted. I miss the closeness, too, and I'm not sure how to get that back.