Sunday, April 27, 2008

A Crash Course in How to Survive Pain

It's been almost two weeks since my daughter has moved out. Here is what I have learned:

that pain comes and goes with waves, and it's important to have something to hold onto when the wave tries to pull you under. That something is called faith.

that tears can appear before you can have a chance to know that they are even there. It's important to have kleenex handy.

that good things can come out of crises - my husband and I have grown stronger, and my youngest daughter and I are closer than we've ever been. Both have comforted me and held me through the pain.

that intense dislike for a person can do horrible things to your personality and your soul. It's not worth having those feelings because it destroys you as a person and takes away from the energy you need to focus on the love you have for your family.

that society's influence is so strong it can change a 20 year old's values in an instant.

that a man's control over a woman can make a woman do things she would never, ever do in a healthy relationship.

that loving means letting go and letting God.

that giving your daughter back to God so that He can protect her and watch over her and love her and gently call her back home to be with Him feels wonderful and brings such comfort.

that watching your husband cry in pain is a very humbling experience.

that knowing your youngest daughter is coping by shutting herself off from her sister can be okay because that is the only way she can handle her anger and pain and disappointment at the present time.

that friends can be angels in disguise.

that little miracles along the way keeps me from falling into total despair.

that unconditional loves doesn't mean that you condone or accept the other person's behavior and say that what she is doing is acceptable. It just means that your love is strong enough to withstand the pain and anger and disappointment and hurt this person is putting you through, and you keep your arms open to welcome her back at anytime.

that being a mom is the most difficult vocation in the whole world. But, you wouldn't trade it for anything.

that the memories of when they were young and innocent and loving gets you through the tough times. And that prayer will bring you through the tough times to bring you to the other side so that you can make memories which are happy once again.

that God is in control of it all. He has known all along she would break away in this manner. With free will comes responsibility, and she will have to learn this by making her own mistakes and going through the pain of trying to repair those mistakes.

that love can conquer all. It can get keep away evil. With prayer and love, I hope she will come home to a family who loves her unconditionally, and to a God who is waiting patiently and who will gently embrace her return.

It was four years and two days ago that we found out she had lupus nephritis. We praise God for her continued good health. So much has happened in these four years. I nursed her through her illness, but this time I am helpless in terms of trying to help her through this. She cried out to me during her illness to never leave her. I made her a promise then that I never would, and I continue to keep that promise, no matter what. I love you, TP.


At 2:06 PM, Blogger JodiTucker said...

Val----I am sooooo praying for you and and your husband and DQ and for the prodigal, TP. Just reading your blog brought on heartache and hope all in two minutes. Thank the Lord that HOPE in His promises is always what we can grab onto...praying......Jodi

At 2:30 PM, Anonymous annb said...

Oh Valerie,
I'm so sorry for your pain. Your love for your family is so evident in all that you say. You are now and since I first began reading your blog, an inspiration to me. You handle yourself with such dignity and regardless of the pain you're dealt, your love never waivers! Val, I am praying for you and TP. I know the pain - my youngest daughter left in the middle of the night when she was 18 and didn't return to us for over a year. In that time, she broke off an engagement, met another young man and became pregnant and then married him four days before their first child was born.
Today, she is married to that same man and they have three children together. She is loving and kind and a great mom to her children.
I continue to lift you in prayer before God that he will comfort and guide you and that TP will come back - even in His time - and be complete in herself.
In His Love and Blessings,


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