Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Yes, I am Still Alive

I am still alive and well. Barely.

It's been a physically exhausting week. I seem to forget that this body isn't as young as it used to be, and I have aches and pains in places I shouldn't have aches and pains. Well, you know what I mean. . .

We live in a fairly large house. I can keep up with the routine housework. But preparing it for a graduation open house is something out of my realm. I have painted rooms, thoroughly cleaned out a basement, moved furniture to and fro, cleaned bedding, purged closets and drawers, washed windows, picked up weights to move from one side of the basement to the other, and swore endless times under my breath. And that is just the beginning. Remind me in 3 years when my youngest graduates to NOT go through this kind of preparation again. Remind me to have an "open house" at a hotel. Remind me that I don't have to be so anal about having my house immaculate for out of town relatives and friends who live close by.

I think part of my frenzied activity is my way of working through the sadness I am feeling right now. I thought all of this "exercise" would help me fall asleep at night because I'd be exhausted - but that's kind of backfired because I am TOO exhausted to fall asleep. Then, my mind goes over the list of stuff which still needs to be tackled. And, in the quiet of the night, my mind recalls all the memories of my daughter's growing up years - the happy times and the sad times, the joys and the sorrows. And, finally, right before I actually do fall asleep, I say a little prayer for the upcoming days - so that they can be filled with laughter and love as we gather together to celebrate her accomplishments.

My writing will be sparse over the next week. Please say a little prayer for safe travels for my relatives, nice weather on Sunday for graduation and Monday for the open house, and for me to stay composed throughout it all. I've been told I am NOT allowed to cry - yeah, right, whatever. . .


At 7:31 PM, Blogger Jeff H said...

Hey, you've got the prayers.

At 10:48 PM, Blogger Paula said...

You've been on my mind alot today. I will be thinking of you and praying for you during this time. Crying is good for the soul, even Jesus wept. Please take care of yourself and don't wear yourself out.

Love and hugs,

At 11:13 PM, Blogger Jeff H said...

Oh, yeah--should've said this, too.

Don't wear yourself out. Just tell all those visitors that you're a hottie and hotties don't do housework.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

When my oldest graduated last year I spent the entire ceremony crying. I had to have my mother hold me because I was a sobbing bag of tears. I soaked her clothes, I soaked my clothes and my husband kind of scooted away from me because I was just a mess. Take a whole box of Kleenex with you, not just the purse pack. You might want to take a grocery bag to throw the Kleenex into. I'm serious. I left carrying mounds of snotty tissue with me. Most of all, know that this isn't the end; it's a new beginning. She will always be your daughter, but now she will have even more in common with you. This is a point where you really can allow your child to be your friend.

At 4:33 PM, Blogger JodiTucker said...

Hi Val,

Besides Jeff's comments about hotties not doing housecleaning, here are other comments I have literally made to defer attention to the graduate (or birthday person) and away from any household imperfections:

"Hey, that's not dust. That is a protective covering."

"You can't go into that room. There are dead bodies in there."

"I don't do windows."

"I didn't want to make you jealous by having the house too perfect, so this is what you get."

Humor goes a long way with me to give up any perfectionist tendencies I USED to have. I strive for excellence, not perfection.

Have a fun graduation and ENJOY it!!

At 10:42 PM, Blogger Mrs. Diamond said...

oh my goodness you are doing way too much. nobody will notice all that! just make sure the food is good and your smile is bright (through the tears) you'll be fine.

At 5:59 PM, Blogger Gina Burgess said...

Breathe, Val, breathe.

At 7:46 PM, Blogger Nettie said...

I hope you are able to be proud of yourself, though. You've earned it!

At 10:18 PM, Blogger My Kid's Mom said...

Jeff: Thanks for the prayers. I don't think the "hottie" excuse would work with my mother in law, though!

Paula - Thanks for your concern and love. I'm actually beginning to feel physically better - I think all this housework has been good for me!

Stacy - Now I have this visual of you with snotty tissue all wadded up in your hands! That will be me, for sure, on Sunday. I am beginning to like this "new stage" of my relationship with my daughter.

Jodi - You're a hoot!!! I'll have to remember those lines!

Mrs. D - You're probably right about not too many people noticing, but it really needed to be done, so the open house gave me an "excuse" to do it. Believe me, I'll be grinning through my tears!

Gina - I never took Lamaze classes, so I'm not sure I know how!

Nettie - THanks, sweetie.

At 3:20 PM, Blogger Shawnda said...

OHHH!! You are ALLOWED to cry : ) and I hope you all have an incredible, worshipful time!!!!

At 8:51 PM, Blogger Jeff H said...

OK, if the hottie excuse doesn't work, you can always just say that Immigration came and hauled your housekeeper off and you haven't been able to replace her.

At 9:42 PM, Blogger HeyJules said...

Val, it is all going to be okay. You clean and cry all you want - you've earned it.


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