Yes, I am Still Alive

I am still alive and well. Barely.

It's been a physically exhausting week. I seem to forget that this body isn't as young as it used to be, and I have aches and pains in places I shouldn't have aches and pains. Well, you know what I mean. . .

We live in a fairly large house. I can keep up with the routine housework. But preparing it for a graduation open house is something out of my realm. I have painted rooms, thoroughly cleaned out a basement, moved furniture to and fro, cleaned bedding, purged closets and drawers, washed windows, picked up weights to move from one side of the basement to the other, and swore endless times under my breath. And that is just the beginning. Remind me in 3 years when my youngest graduates to NOT go through this kind of preparation again. Remind me to have an "open house" at a hotel. Remind me that I don't have to be so anal about having my house immaculate for out of town relatives and friends who live close by.

I think part of my frenzied activity is my way of working through the sadness I am feeling right now. I thought all of this "exercise" would help me fall asleep at night because I'd be exhausted - but that's kind of backfired because I am TOO exhausted to fall asleep. Then, my mind goes over the list of stuff which still needs to be tackled. And, in the quiet of the night, my mind recalls all the memories of my daughter's growing up years - the happy times and the sad times, the joys and the sorrows. And, finally, right before I actually do fall asleep, I say a little prayer for the upcoming days - so that they can be filled with laughter and love as we gather together to celebrate her accomplishments.

My writing will be sparse over the next week. Please say a little prayer for safe travels for my relatives, nice weather on Sunday for graduation and Monday for the open house, and for me to stay composed throughout it all. I've been told I am NOT allowed to cry - yeah, right, whatever. . .