A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH!!!!

TP had her six month check up with her specialist at Children's today. It was good to see him again - he has such an easy-going, caring demeanor about him. The monumental decision was made to take TP off the prednisone TOTALLY!!! So, for the first time in two years, she will no longer be on steroids. If she continues to do well, then in 6 months, we will be able to cut the immunosuppressants in half, and in a year if all goes well, she will be off of those totally, too! Praise the Lord for this wonderful, exciting news. Words can't even begin to express the enormous relief and jubilation this caused for us.

Her doctor went on to say how drastic of an improvement TP has made over the past two years, due in large part to her compliance with taking her meds and exercising and eating healthy foods. He remarked about how grave her situation was when we first met, and then he smiled and said "and look at where she is now - ready to get into the medical field herself in a few short months.". I remember two years ago almost to this very day was when she had started her chemotherapy, which made her so ill. Anyway, the doctor has finally given her a clean bill of health!

So, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Today is a day that I've been waiting for, for a very long time. While I am so very happy and grateful for this news and for TP's good health, I have such a strange mixture of emotions going through me right now.

I guess it boils down to my own need for healing. Healing from the emotional roller coaster of the past two years - the ups and downs, the stress, the pain and suffering, and the sheer exhaustion of it all. I am still feeling the effects of the recent betrayal of trust in my daughter, and the residual anger and pain and sadness from her lies and deceit. It kind of feels like I am just floating around somewhere, without any direction right now, as I face the reality of needing to put all of this behind me, and moving on. In all honesty, I believe healing from the effects of the illness is going to be easier for me to do than healing from the betrayal. The illness was something which happened over which we had no control, it was not something that was purposefully done without regard for how it would affect another person. While I have learned how to forgive, it's a much more difficult thing to forget. When it is remembered, it hits me in the gut all over again, and the pain is as fresh as it was when the deceit was first discovered.

Tomorrow is Prom. I know how excited TP is about this event, so I am happy to see her joyful anticipation. I will have tears in my eyes tomorrow, for many reasons - some obvious ones and other not-so obvious ones. I will hold those reasons which are not so obvious in the secret corners of my heart, and not let them touch or contaminate the moments of my daughter's happiness, which she so richly deserves.