Sunday, March 18, 2007

Not Such a Good Mom After All

As you can tell by my last post, a lot is going on in my life right now. I honestly believe that for the past year, we've been experiencing a lot of spiritual attacks - the worst being just recently.

I've always thought I was a decent mom. I've tried to bring up my kids the right way - with faith and love and morals. Obviously, somewhere along the line, I failed miserably - at least that is what I've been told in so many words.

I'm seriously considering closing down this blog all together - it's a sham. I've devoted my life to being my kids' mom - that's been my one true vocation from God, and it's been an honor and a privelege to serve God and my kids in this way. But I can't stomach the pain that I'm going through right now - when all that I have stood for and believed in is being put down and trampled over. It feels like I'm being stripped of my title "mom". I feel like I've lost the fight against all these spiritual attacks, and that the enemy has won.

So, without much energy right now, plus with having a bunch of medical problems which will be getting looked into soon, I'm probably going to take a break. Thanks for all your love and support, and please keep me in your prayers as I face the unknown over the next few weeks.


At 4:53 AM, Blogger ukok said...


First off have one of these (((hug))).

Secondly. Your being your kid's Mom is not affected one way or another by what either of your children say or do. You offered them a loving home, gave them opportunities that they may have been deprived of, filled their world with love where there might only have been a shadow of love. You gave them and continue to give them your heart, daily. If either of them take your heart and crush it then it doesn't mean you gave less. You give your whole heart, all your love, everyday. When they mature they will understand the fragility of the heart and that love should not be taken for granted or abused.

Over here in the UK it is Mothering Sunday today. I know that I hurt my own mother appallingly in my younger years, but today I can honestly say that she's not only my mother, but my closest friend. I was very immature as a teen, I also thought that she would be around forever, I'm just glad that she is still here now for me to tell her how much I love her, because I would hate to think that it could have turned out differently.

I believe that your daughter is living an insular life right now. Teens alway tend to think that the world begins and ends with themselves. I know it hurts, but it's highly probable that she will at some point realise the pain she has caused you and your hubby and become the prodigal daughter.

I pray for it.

As for the blogging. That's up to you. But this cyber stuff can be such an aid for support that I would not make any harsh decisions about closing the blog. There is an option to just not make it visible to everyone. You could do that for a while if you felt you wanted to, and then at least all your archives are there still iof you resume blogging.

I value your friendhsip and would hate to think of not having contact with you at all, but whatever you decide, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You will be in my prayers especially at Mass in this morning.


God Bless you

At 9:56 AM, Blogger Rosemary Bogdan said...

I echo all of Deb's comments, Val. I too gave my parents a very hard time and said hurtful things, especially to my mom. I later apologized and now I realize she was indeed a very good mother. There are no perfect mothers on Earth. Young people are just not all there. They are it seems by nature so extremely self-absorbed that no negative judgement by them should be taken seriously. May God's grace be upon you. May he give you wisdom and right judgement. Hang onto the truth. You're in my prayers.

At 10:31 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

Val, I have been praying for you last night, and this morning, and I will continue to pray. I don't even know what to say because I wouldn't say it well enough, that's for sure.

Making mistakes or not meeting up to the level of perfection that we hold for ourselves does not make us a sham. It makes us human. You've never claimed to be a perfect mom, all you're guilty of is being a loving and caring mom who is trying her best.

At 11:25 AM, Blogger My Kid's Mom said...

Hi Deb - YOu always know just the right things to say to me. I wept when I read your words - they touched my heart so deeply. I am not certain she will ever realize how much this hurts, and she has no shame whatsoever right now.

I hope you have a wonderful Mothering Sunday today! I'll keep you in my prayers when I go to mass in a little while. Someday, somehow, we must meet face to face, Deb. God bless you and yours.

Hi Rosemary - I haven't known you for very long, but I truly do appreciate your friendship and support. Thank you. My faith is being tested right now, but I shall survive, of that I am certain.

Oh Dar - You're the best. Thank you.

At 2:57 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

"Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ."
---CS Lewis

Nothing any of us can say to you will "make it better" for you here and now. Only One can do that, and it's not anyone here on earth. Offer up the pain, Val. It's the only choice, other than to wallow in it. It may not ease the pain, but it will give it a purpose known only to Him and, God willing, eventually to you.

At 5:57 PM, Blogger bigwhitehat said...

Whoa! One thought at a time please.

If you want to take a break, take it. If you need to take a break, take it. You don't owe anybody another word.

I detect some despair. Cut it out. You have too much on stuff to do. You don't have time for despair.

"Each day brings enough trouble of its own." So, you have to live day by day maybe even breath by breath right now.

People pay you for your advice. I'm sure you typically give them their money's worth. Trust yourself Val.

You have come through a lot of troubles. Things turn out well in spite of those troubles. Sometimes things turn out well because of those troubles. Knowing about the success you have already experienced, you should be optimistic about what you are facing right now.

Now let me stop meddling and go to preaching. God loves you. And a little fella down in Texas loves you. Jesus said," Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

At 8:26 PM, Anonymous terrib said...

Hi Val

I read you posts fairly often but haven't ever left a comment. This time I am compelled to do so..."this" isn't about you, it is about her. Let her own it. No one should be ashamed of doing the best they could with a pure heart.

At 10:14 PM, Blogger annb said...

Valerie, I can certainly understand why you feel that you need a break, but please don't feel that you are a failure as a Mom. Our children all reach an age when they must take responsibility for their own actions and the blame can not be placed on anyone but themselves. God gave us all free will and we all reach an age of accountability and for some reason many stray from everything they've been taught and that they know is right! My youngest daughter left our home and turned her back on us and everything good in her life! She was gone for a year, without having contact with us. During that year, she experienced many things that she now regrets and when she came back a year later, she came to us with a newborn baby born four days after she married the baby's daddy. It was one of the worst years of my life and I only was able to get through it by giving it over to God and allowing my friends to help me carry the burden. My daughter was 19 at the time. She is now 24 and our relationship is as good, if not better, than it was before she left. I am lifting you and your family in prayer and am asking God to touch her heart and also to give you peace and comfort in the knowledge that you were the best Mother you could be to your children!

At 8:51 AM, Blogger ukok said...

You're way up there on my short list of friends from the blogosphere I would just LOVE to meet some day :-)

Y'know what too?

On Sunday, the Gospel was actually about the prodigal Son. How about that?!Perhaps there's a message of hope in there for you to take hold of :-)

Love and blessings to you, my friend


At 11:11 AM, Blogger Mrs. Diamond said...

You are a good mom. No matter what they say.... I totally agree with deb. (((((((((HUG))))))))))
and praying for you

At 12:00 AM, Blogger My Kid's Mom said...

Kevin - You're so wise. I've been doing exactly that - offering it up. A good Lenten practice, anyway, I suppose. Love the quote - you're so good at finding just the right one. Thanks, my friend!

BWH - Okay, I'll cut out the despair! With friends like you (and with God right beside me), I know I'm not alone. You have such wisdome, Zane. Thanks for your love and support.

Terrib - Welcome, and thank you for your comment. You know, it finally dawned on me that it isn't about me. It still hurts, but I know that I didn't cause the hurt. I hope you comment more often!

Ann - Your words bring me comfort and hope. I apologize for not coming over for a visit. Thank you for your support.

Deb - Yes, I was struck with how appropriate Sunday's Gosepl and sermon were! It helped to ease my anxiety and angst when reflecting on that parable. I'll come and visit you sometime, I promise!!!

Hey Mrs. D - Thanks, sweetie! I've missed you!


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