Wednesday, May 30, 2007

God's Light

There have been certain times in my life where God has led me through a valley of darkness and back into the light. Most notably, when my mom died, when I was extremely depressed to the point of being suicidal in my mid-to-late twenties, when I thought I had cancer in my early thirties, when my husband and I almost lost everything after he was laid off from his job in December of 2001, when my oldest was diagnosed with lupus in 2004, and when my youngest went through what no child should have to go through at a school which wouldn't do anything to stop it from happening. And now, the last 18 months have been exceedingly difficult on me, and all I can say is - thank you, God.

Thank you for being next to me as I cried out in anguish and pain. Thank you for letting me privately lash out in anger when I talked to you - and thank you for accepting and understanding that anger. Thank you for holding me and comforting me in my hours of need, when the anxiety and fear overcame me. Thank you for helping me through this process so that I could come out of it realizing that your love is steadfast and that you will never abandon me.

There are reasons why these most recent events have happened. Some of the reasons are very obvious, and others I have difficulty grasping the "why's" - so all I can do is trust that it's all in God's plan. All in due time, this will all be for His glory. In the meantime, I just have to step back, let go of my need to control, and just watch as His plan for me (and others) unfolds. As time goes on, I am beginning to see how all of these little pieces fit into the larger puzzle - and I have a sense of peace that things will turn out as they are meant to be.

I am slowly coming out of despair, and back into hope. I have fought a long and hard battle, and I am weary, but I am beginning to feel strong again. I lost myself during the past year and a half, but God kept me safe in his graces so that I could be found once again.

I thank all of you for your prayers and concerns. I'll be back to my regular blogging soon!


At 8:28 AM, Blogger susan said...

Sometimes it is a long hard journey, but it is so wonderful to really know that God loves you so much.

sending a cyber hug.

At 10:48 AM, Blogger HeyJules said...

What glorious news! I have been so worried about you.

I was sitting and thinking about pain last night and how the key is to simply outlive it. Make it one moment past when the pain ends and you win.

Guess what, Val? YOU WON.

At 5:52 PM, Anonymous ukok said...

I want to share this saintly quote with you;

" If there be a true way that leads to the Everlasting Kingdom, it is most certainly that of suffering, patiently endured".

--Saint Colette

You are wise enough to know that God meets us ever more intimately in our suffering and yet all too often this is when He may seem distant.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I am so relieved that you are beginning to make some sense of your suffering in recent times, I too, have been most concerned about you.


God Bless you!

At 9:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am glad you've made it through. The older I get, the more I realize our faith journey comes with a price. Just tonight in Bible study we read about Paul, how he wrote the book of Ephesians while he was a prisoner. We're just here to learn to love Him. I am thankful for your friendship and your willingness to share your trials and tribulations with all of us.

My fellow warrior!

At 9:34 PM, Blogger annb said...

This post is exactly what drew me to add you to my "regular blog reads"! You have, through your posts, been such a strong and faithful woman of God and even when you thought you were lost, God knew where you were because He had his hands around you!
I know that God doesn't put bad things in our lives, but I also know that whatever difficulties come our way He will be there to guide us through and just like you said, bring us back on the other side to bring glory to His name!
I am praying for you and I thank God that I was led to your blog and I'm thankful that I have gotten to know you better and hope to know you even better still!
I'm glad you're feeling better (and I certainly understand the "control" thing - I'm afraid I also have that strength/fault!)

At 9:49 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

I'm glad that you're getting stronger.

Life can get so tough, but in a little while we'll be neighbors in this afterlife free of worry and pain. I'll sit on the porch with you and marvel at the glory of God's kingdom.

At 7:35 AM, Blogger My Kid's Mom said...

Hey Susan - It's been a long time since I've visited you. Thanks for your hug, and your concern!

Jules - I know you've been worried. Yup, outliving the pain is the key - and while I know I'm not quite all the way through it yet, I do feel like I've "won"!
Thanks, my friend.

Deb - Hey, I love that quote! DId you know my sister's name is Colette??? I appreciate all of your prayers and hugs and comments - you've been such a help to me all along. Thank you!

Paula - I'm glad we've maintained our friendship - you mean so much to me!

Ann - I've loved getting to know you, too. You've been an inspiration to me with all of the pain you've gone through recently. Thank you for your prayers and concern.

Darlene - I look forward to that day. . . In the meantime, I still think Jeff had the right idea a year or so ago when he mentioned that we should have a party at your place!!!

At 9:42 AM, Blogger KAlexaLott said...

Thank you for your lovely comments on my blog. I would be honore, and humbled to have you quote me. It makes me happy to know that it has been a blessing to you.


At 6:01 PM, Blogger Vicki said...

I'm so deeply moved to read your post this evening, and my prayers will continue. You've been through so much and yet God is faithful to sustain us, isn't He? We are walking through a difficult, hard valley, too, and yet I don't want a fair-weather faith. Thank you for being my friend. Sending hugs and blessings........

At 9:14 PM, Blogger JodiTucker said...

Your blog rocks with reality and compassion and Galatians 5:22-23!!

At 9:54 PM, Anonymous nettie said...

Don't give up, it's just the weight of the world. When your heart's heavy I, I will lift it for you. Don't give up, because you want to be heard. If silence keeps you I, I will break it for you...

At 10:33 PM, Blogger My Kid's Mom said...

Kim - You're very welcome. I'll let you know when I post something about your blog.

Vicki - I know you're going through a lot, too. I am glad that we're "prayer buddies" and friends.

Jodi - :-)

Nettie - Ah, you know me so well. Josh Groban - my favorite. And that is, by far, my most favorite song of his. I've been listening to it a LOT lately!

At 11:43 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

Glad to see that you're seeing light at the end of the tunnel.


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