Sunday, September 16, 2007

Where Can I Go?

There are times when I struggle being a mom. Times when I just want to throw in the towel and walk away. Times when it hurts too much, and the weight is too heavy for my shoulders.

Right now, I feel so unappreciated, so taken advantage of, and so disrespected. What I say falls on deaf ears. What I do goes unnoticed or is criticized. What I long for goes unrecognized or is ignored. My hopes are irrelevant and not validated. My dreams have been put on hold for so long that I barely rememember what they were.

I want to run away, for a long time. I struggle with getting up in the morning because I know what I am going to be facing - I am the invisible entity in the household who magically does everything for everybody, who is supposed to keep on giving without getting anything in return, who is supposed to keep on smiling despite the emptiness inside.

There is nowhere to go. If I left, would anybody even notice? Have other moms ever felt this way? I just want to give up.


At 7:39 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

Oh Valarie. Big hugs go out to you.

I know how you are feeling right now. I also go through times when I feel the way you are feeling today.

Hang in there. We are here for you.

At 8:46 AM, Anonymous ukok said...

D'ya know the last thing I said to my kids this morning as I dropped them off for school? Not 'I love you', but 'I feel like driving away and not coming home'. I know it was a horrid thing to say, but before they had gone to school they (and particularly my teen daughter) had wound me up like a spring and I honestly felt like dissolving into a pool of tears....and driving, driving, driving and never coming back.

But of course, that feeling never lasts and I will shortly be collecting them from school, somewhat dreadingly, because I know that I will have more of this to come later today, then tomorrow and then next day and oh it is so tiring.

Run to Jesus, Valerie, that's all you can do. Keep running to the loving arms of the Lord. Be who you are, don't be afraid of telling him how you feel, ask him for the grace and strength to continue on with this difficult and often thankless role that we have been given. I'm praying for you dear friend, please pray for me.

At 11:45 AM, Blogger Shawnda said...

Oh Val, so SORRY! A BIG hug!!!!! I think mommyhood is the GREATEST sacrifice! One of my favorite messages by John Piper is a Mother's Day message called "Motherhood, a call to suffering". And it is! There are SO many days with JUST my little toddlers that I feel like my energies are wasted!!! : ( You are NOT alone!!!!!!! The Lord has called you to be a wife and mommy, and He is stretching you right now, sanctifying your right now!!!

We were reading through a book last night, and the chapter was on conflict, and one of the points was that without conflict, we would not grow!!! : ( What a sweet reality of conflict - it's always an opportunity to be used by the Lord and to grow in our humility!!!

In conflict, EVEN if we are right....what the other person does to us is NOTHING compared to the sin we have sinned against our HOLY GOD!

So, saying these things, my heart hopes and prays you will be encouraged, stirred to seek our faithful LORD, given strength to press on in the calling He has called you to, that you will have grace to patiently pray and love and serve EVEN more still for the glory of our Lord, your joy, and the joy of those around you!!!!


I'll try to find that sermon and send you the link so you can hear it!!! : )

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Shawnda said...

I pray this will encourage you! May HE be near to you!!!!

At 12:46 PM, Blogger Nicki said...


WOW, I found you from CWO and I enjoyed reading your scare me though to think of what's ahead because here I am, still with three small children......feeling the exact same way you do!! I thought it gets better??? =) oh my.......on our knees....I see it coming a LOT more!! I hope you're day is getting better today!

At 9:42 PM, Blogger Lori said...

I'm so sorry for how you are feeling. I think that all mothers (and wives) have felt this way. It usually does pass and I have to say, now that my kids are older (15 and 18) I rarely have those feelings anymore. Part of the reason is because I decided that I can't do it all myself and stay sane so the kids are responsible for more things around the house and I think we are all happier because of it. When I was a single mother, I had so many difficult times of struggle and exhaustion. I splurged a couple of times and while they were with their dad, went to a B&B for a night. It was a wonderful time to spend by myself to recharge and gain strength, and the hosts were so kind, pampered me and let me to myself if I wanted. And of course, prayer is the best place to go when the rest of the world checks out on you.

At 9:53 PM, Blogger JodiTucker said...

Val----I am so saddened for you. I cannot say I currently am relating to the Mom struggles (although I have in the past when the kids were in late middle school and early high school).....However, I so fully agree with Shawnda.....Cry out to Jesus!!....Currently I am crying out because this knee surgery is going to take 4-6 weeks to really recover and I get sad and down. ThenI just repeat over and over Isaiah 40: 28-31 as my lifeline to the overwhelming bigness of God and His Love for me (and all the world!) Also, I think often of this little chorus that goes like this: He knows my name. He knows my every thought. He sees each tear that falls and hears me when I call......and I have been calling more than usual lately!!
Val, keeping you in prayer as pain from kids is worse than physical body pain----at least to me.

At 7:37 AM, Blogger StBlog said...

Mothers like you who stand by their families, who don't give up despite giving up everything else, who continue to love even when they fell unloved ... they must be especially blessed by the heavenly court of our King. You are, to we weaker human beings, Living Saints! +JMJ+ John

At 10:52 AM, Blogger susan said...

Hello Valarie, you are not alone in feeling like this, it goes with being a Mum.

Then occasionally things go great and you realise that there is no other job in the world that is as good as this one.

At 7:54 PM, Blogger Barbara said...

Sorry Val, I am way behind with my blog reading - it is 30th Sept already..

Yes, I think we all feel / have felt like that at one time or another. I know that I certainly have - on many occasions. But tomorrow is another day and perhaps, just taking some time out - even if it is just a few hours - and doing something JUST FOR YOU - is just what you need to put some perspective on things.

Prayers, love and hugs coming over to you...

At 12:04 PM, Anonymous barbara said...

So much that a mother (and wife) does is invisible. Laundry, bills, shopping, cooking, cleaning, only becomes visible when left undone. Surely God feels that much that he does is invisible and unappreciated, but He knows how to deal with it, and often, we don't. You are not only not alone, you're in the unanimous majority. Chin up.


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