This Time of Year

Being a "band mom" has now overtaken my life. Endless practices, car pooling, competitions - it's time consuming and yet well worth it, in the end. It's amazing what being in band has done for DQ and her self-confidence, motivation, discipline, and attitude. When I watch her out there on the field, I am amazed that she has only been playing trumpet and marching for a little over two months, because she certainly seems like she's been doing it for all of her life - she's such a natural at it. Last week, she was out in 93 degree heat, in the middle of the OSU horseshoe, looking like she was going to throw up because she was so hot (those uniforms are all wool, mind you) - but she was having the time of her life, and it will be something that she will remember forever! Walking down the ramp and onto the field was the biggest thrill she's ever had - and I remembered walking down that same ramp when I graduated with my master's degree about twenty years ago, and that was thrilling, too.

She is still struggling with some of her grades, though, and so I remain concerned. Her ADD still remains an issue, and while she's learned how to compensate for it, it still is difficult for her to stay on task and be organized and complete all of her homework and get it in on time. She's blessed with an incredibly high IQ, but that can make it even more difficult on her because then teachers begin to assume that she is just being lazy or irresponsible, and therein lies a big problem. To those teachers who don't truly understand what having ADD is all about - how I wish you would be able to live with my child for a week in order to develop a truer picture and deeper understanding of this very real and very complicated learning disability; how I wish you could see that it's not a parenting issue (if that was the case, then my other child would be diagnosed with ADD), how I wish you could see that we are NOT looking to excuse her behavior but only explain it so that we can come up with solutions that will HELP her. Isn't that what it's supposed to be about - finding solutions to help the child learn and achieve to the best of her ability?

My oldest daughter will be starting her 3 year BSN program in two weeks. TP received her orientation papers in the mail the other day, and she became quite excited. This break has been a long one (she finished her first year of college in June, and this new college doesn't start until October 29th), so I think she has been getting a wee bit bored. She'll go continuously for the next three years without a break in between - no more summers off or long Christmas breaks. I believe this period of being in "limbo" has been good for her - it's helped her mature in many different ways, and she is beginning to appreciate things which she was taking for granted, and she knows that she is going to need to work hard in order to get where she wants to be in her life. I'm glad she'll be living at home for the next three years - yes, I am glad because I think she'll be able to concentrate more on her studies and stay on track in terms of her faith and her values. She is respectful of our ground rules (so far, anyway!), and has written up a schedule for her first semester which includes studying, working, and a little bit of time for "play".

As for me - well, I'm just contemplating all of these changes within my family. It's a different stage of life for me - still learning how to balance when to let go and when to be near, still learning how to relate to them more as young ladies rather than little girls, wondering what the next 30 years of my life will be like as I age. I've never thought of myself as "getting old" before, yet there are visible reminders that this is taking place, slowly but surely, and I am experiencing all sorts of mixed emotions about this process. I'm three years shy of the age when my mom died (she was 56), and I've always been a little fearful that I will die at that same age as she did. I find myself wondering what God wants me to do with the rest of my life once the girls are gone from the home. My faith is still strong, yet I sometimes feel a "disconnect" with God - and that troubles me because I know that it is I who is pulling back a little, when I really should be openly embracing Him during this time.

I am looking forward to the rest of the fall, what with more competitions (the band qualified for the state competition), with holiday bazaars, with getting the house ready for company at Thanksgiving, and with preparing for the holidays. It's my favorite time of year because I am doing so much FOR my family - and that is how it should be. I thank God for letting me be, as always, my kids' mom.