Saturday, May 03, 2008

I Believe in Miracles

Twenty one years ago, when faced with the possibility of cancer, I prayed for second chance at life. God granted me the miracle of good health.

Twenty some years ago, despite my infertility, I prayed to become a mom. God answered my prayers, and two miracles appeared in my life over the course of three years - my two adopted daugthers.

Over the past twenty years, I have witnessed many miracles - a baby's first steps, being called "mama" for the first time, and the recovery of my husband after a major heart attack at the age of 40 when the girls were 6 months and 3 years old. The most amazing miracle I have been witness to was when TP was lying in a hospital bed in PICU over two and a half years ago, and I wasn't allowed to be with while they were working over her for awhile. I sat in the hallway, sobbing, praying to Jesus and to Mary for TP's life. A half an hour later, they called me back to her section, and she was sitting up, smiling her beautiful but weak smile, and saying "Hi momma".

I've been praying for a miracle for almost three weeks. And while my prayers have yet to be answered, I still believe that God will touch my daughter's heart, and through His grace, she will find her way home. I still believe that she knows down deep that what she is doing is wrong, and she wants to make it right - but pride or fear of shame or control by another is holding her back. I still believe that the "old" TP is still very much alive, and that she loves me very much - but she's caught up in such a web of deceit and sin and pain right now that she doesn't know how to break herself free from it all. Perhaps she's in denial and doesn't want to break herself free because she is tasting what "freedom" is all about - but what she doesn't realize is that this "freedom" is disguised as independence from us, when in actually, this "freedom" has enslaved her and placed her under the influences which promise you great things but which are actually stealing away bits and pieces of your soul every minute you are around them. I fear for her emotional and spiritual safety, just as I had feared for her health two and half years ago. But the demon I am fighting against right now is more powerful and sinister than that illness ever was. The demon is taking her away from her family, her values, her relationship with God, and is destroying her soul.

Nonetheless, I still believe in miracles. I pray constantly throughout the day for her safety and protection against these influences, and that she will eventually begin to recognize how badly this is affecting her overall well-being. I am beyong the shock phase, and I'm now into the feeling numb phase - which is a dangerous place for me to be. I'm also mourning the death of a daughter who once called me "momma" and who once held me in such high regard that she wouldn't dream of hurting me like this.

I'm wondering if I'll receive a miracle by the time my birthday rolls around next Saturday or possibly Mother's Day. I'm not going to hold my breath, but I am going to pray for that miracle to happen. May God grant me the miracle of the return of my daughter.

Here is my prayer for TP today - Lord, enable my child to walk with wise friends and not have to experience the destruction that can happen by walking with foolish people. Amen.
(prayer by Stormie Omartian)


At 11:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

much like my prodigal husband.

Lord, i ask, in Jesus' name, that all prodigals around the world will come to their senses and escape the trap of the devil who has taken them captive to do his will.

Lord, i pray that you'd give them an undivided heart and a new spirit. i pry Lord that you take away their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.

dear jesus, these are what's broken in our lives and i know that you can fix them. we believe that you will heal our circumstances and that our miracle is on its way. in Jesus' name i pray, amen.


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