Separate Lives

"What are you going to do with all your time when we are gone?", my oldest asked me.

We were discussing how life is going to change for the family when TP goes off to college in the fall, and then again in three years when DQ leaves. Already, I feel the shift in family life - less time together due to extracurricular activities, going to work after school and on weekends, and the time spent with friends. This shift is preparing all of us for life apart from our little family - and I keep on reminding myself that this has always been the ultimate goal.

But what made me smile is that the question which TP asked reflects a certain image that mothers are often thought of as people who "don't have a life" outside of their family. In all honesty, I don't get offended by that image at all. If anything, I find it to be a compliment, because to me, that means that my image to others is one of being devoted to my family. That image is not something which should be made fun of, nor should it be a cause for derision. It should be one of respect and pride. A mother puts her children's needs ahead of her very own while raising her children. The time will come again, all too soon, when the house will be empty, and the mother can once again focus on other matters which bring her joy and peace.

I explained to my daughters that I will be fine when they are gone, that I will find plenty of activities to occupy my time, but that nothing could ever compare to the satisfaction and contentment that I have experienced over the years being a mom. I told them that I would miss them, and I would look forward to their visits, and I gently reminded them that I did "have a life" before they were born. They wondered if I would go back to work full-time, and I said I didn't know for sure. What I do know, and what I didn't tell them, is how empty this big house will be without them, and how their departure will leave a huge void in my heart. I don't ever want them to feel guilty about leaving, or to feel hesitant about going off on their own. I want them to grab onto life and experience it to its' fullest without having to worry about me.

It will be a different stage in my life - an unfamiliar territory which can be frightening yet exhilarating. A whole new set of opportunities will be beckoning. So, I can't help but think about how my stage in life will parallel theirs as we face our new beginnings together. Separate lives, yet still connected by our love for each other and our history which we shared together. Separate lives, yet we'll always be able to pick up where we left off. I can't help but think that this new stage of our lives will be as rich and rewarding as the past one, but in different ways.