The Debate

Thank you to all those who joined in the discussion about stay-at-home moms and working-outside-of-the-home moms.

My generation (I was born in the 1950's) was at the beginning of the so-called "women's movement" wherein a woman was told she could "have it all" - a career, kids, and perhaps a husband (but he wasn't really a necessity in order to have children). I am beginning to see where there the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way - more and more, young women are opting to stay at home with their kids rather than sending them to day care. I am not entirely convinced that a woman can truly "have it all" without something (or somebody) suffering as a result - and typically that somebody is the woman's child. Nonetheless, there are certain circumstances where a woman absolutely has to work outside of the home, but that is NOT the circumstance which I am talking about right now.

Children, without a doubt, benefit more when a parent stays at home with them full-time. I have had numerous children who come to see me in my private practice with depression, anger, and acting out issues which can directly be associated with the fact that they have not received the proper care and nurturing from their parent(s) at home. I suspect that at least 80% of my child clientele over the years had moms who worked outside of the home. That is a statement of fact, not of judgement, OK? When I ask a child if they were granted 3 wishes, what would the wishes be, invariably the first thing out of this child's mouth is that mommy (sometimes daddy) would spend more time with her/him.

The reason why I asked you this question is because I recently had a converstion with a young girl whose mom worked three jobs - one full-time and two part-time - and these jobs weren't due to financial reasons. This girl had gotten to the point where she actually did NOT want mom to be around anymore because it would be "too weird". Here's a girl who spends at least 4 hours a day on the computer and watching tv during the school year (and more during the summer), and she would prefer to keep it that way, I believe, because she has gotten used to having a surrogate parent in the form of a tv or the computer. The touch of a remote or the "mouse" has replaced the gentle caress of a mom's hand. My heart broke for this little girl.

To all those moms who have to work - I totally understand. To all those moms who have chosen to stay at home (despite the fact that your brain kind of turns to mush at times) - I salute you. And to the moms who are like the one I described above, I pray for your child(ren). They are missing out on so very much.