Living in His Light

Today is Halloween, and then it's the Christmas season. Already the stores have their Christmas decorations out, and some even have Christmas music in the background. While some people may grumble and complain about the "earliness" of this commercial preparation for Christmas, I actually don't mind it because it gives me more time to spiritually prepare for Christmas. It's a reminder to me that now is the time to take steps to make sure I am ready for Christ's birth and His second coming. Granted, throughout the year, I am continuously aware of Christ's presence in my life; but this time of the year, I am more conciously aware of the efforts I need to take in my life to make me a better person and to engage in actions and thoughts which will glorify Him.

This spiritual journey of mine has taken me through many valleys and curves and even u-turns. I've been lost, and then I've been found - time and time again. I've cried in anguish and out of sense of great despair, and I've cried in joy and a sense of deep gratitude. I've lost sight of my purpose in life, and then I've regained God's purpose for me in my life.

I'm at the stage of my life where my aging is becoming more and more apparent, where illnesses in friends and family members are becoming more prevalent, and where no longer my life spreads out endlessly before me. I want to make sure that the rest of my life is spent not being lost in the forest of doubt and fear, but rather to used as a beacon for God's light to others, to touch others in such a way that they will sense God's presence in their lives, too. I am humbled by my vocations, for I am offered opportunties everyday to do just that - as a mom and a grandma, as a wife, and as a counselor. But I struggle so much with this. It's not that I don't want to show others God's light and His way - but things or people sometimes get in the way of doing this. I am met with resistance from all sides, at times. I get weary of the constant battle of good versus evil. I grow tired of outside influences which tear apart all that I have tried to build up over the years. The only way to combat all of these things is prayer - constant prayer - and drawing upon His strength so I can continue on with God's purpose for my life.

For today, I pray for the grace to be able to do all that God is asking me to do - to meet the needs of my family willingly and without complaint, to be open to meeting the needs of others when I sense they need someone to talk to or just to listen, to pray for all those people who are in need of God's protection and strength in their lives. For today, I ask God to show me the way to glorify Him in all that I do. I cannot do this thing called "living" without Him - for I am nothing without Him.

I am being called to write more frequently on my blog. I am not sure in what direction my writing is taking me - if I'm going to continue to focus on my family, or if I am going to speak in more general terms, or if I am going to share more of my personal spiritual journey. I will just trust in Him to show me the way.

A Full Circle

KM's soft baby's breath on my cheek brings tears to my eyes, and I snuggle her body even closer to mine. What a blessing she is - what a precious gift. She's impish, delightful, stubborn,loving, a charmer, a giggler, and just a joy to be around. I think of all the pain that we went through prior to her birth, and that pain is washed away with the gentleness of her sigh. She is content and happy and well-loved and safe - just like her mommy - and that is all that matters.

Being a "nana" brings so much to my life. Watching KM grow and change often brings back memories of when TP and DQ were little - so it's kind of like de ja vu - and I'm swept back in time when life was simpler and kinder and less stressful. But this time of my life, while different than what it was before, is so much richer and fuller. The nostalgia is kind of bittersweet, but the reality of my current life is even sweeter. I have been through so much - I have survived - I have thrived - all thanks to God's grace and strength. The knowledge that He has been right next to me through it all brings me such comfort and gratitude. For without Him, I would be nothing. And with Him, I can be all He wants me to be - a mom, a wife, a nana, a counselor, a friend . . . and His faithful daughter.

It's been a full circle for me. I'm still healing, but I am stronger. Life keeps on throwing some punches at me - and I keep on taking them - but I know that I can keep on going because God is right here, protecting me and guiding me. Thank you, dear Lord, for all that you have given to me.