Children from the Heart

As a counselor, I hear many stories from people who have struggled with infertility issues. In fact, I tend to get a lot of referrals from infertility specialists who send their patients to me so that I can help these couples through the process of their treatment for infertility.

One of the options which we discuss in these sessions is adoption if the infertility treatments fail. Invariably, one of the fears raised by most of my clients is wondering whether or not they could love a child who is not biologically theirs. In all honesty, it wasn't necessarily a fear of mine so much as it one of these questions I had to ponder just to make sure I would make a good adoptive parent.

What is it like to love a child which you have adopted? I hear stories of pregnancies and labor and births, and I know that I am not able to share those kinds of stories with others. But, I did have my very own form of this process - a unique form of growing a child in my heart rather than in my womb. Like all women, I loved my children even before they were born. I didn't have sonograms, or hear their heartbeats, or have the morning sickness - but I did know that another woman was experiencing those things in order to give birth to OUR child. I didn't have labor pains, but I did have the pain associated with infertility. I couldn't give birth, but I could give love to a child sight unseen. To me, it was like I was CHOSEN to be my kid's mom - that I was predestined to be the one who was given the gift of having these lives entrusted to my care. I have always been very cognizant that another woman suffered a huge loss in her life so that her child could become my child, so that her baby could experience a "better" life with me. How could I not love a child under those circumstances? A baby needed a mom, and I needed a child.

Do my kids look like my husband or me? Not in the least! Did that stop us from loving them? Again, not in the least! How shallow a love would be if we loved only the basis of looks. What is amazing to me, however, is how much the girls act and sound like me. They have so many of my mannerisms, and their voices are so similar to mine to the point where when people call us on the phone they can't tell us apart. Nonetheless, the girls have other mannerisms, certain talents, and unique characteristics which I know didn't come from either my husband or me. And, I absolutely love the differences they possess as much as I love the similarities. The differences make no difference at all, if that makes any sense, because those differences are what makes them special. And, isn't that true for ALL families?

I think I am going to start chronicling a little bit more about adoption issues. It's an incredibly special experience, and it would be my hope that I could dispel some of the myths and/or bad hype it receives, and I would also like to encourage others out there to consider it as a wonderful way to form a family. After all, God has adopted us as HIS children!