Redemption

I grew up within a large Catholic family - four brothers and one sister - where tension and strife were common. By the time I arrived on the scene, both of my parents were well into their forties, and I was considered an "oops" baby. Money was always tight, and my dad's drinking habits consumed a lot of it. Mom was a very devout woman, and Dad converted to Catholicism more out of love for her than any burning desire to profess Catholicism as his religion. Despite all of the problems within our family, there was never any question that I was loved by my parents (some of my brothers, however, did their best to let me know I wasn't wanted), but by the time I left for college, I had an unhealthy view of relationships which got in my way of knowing how to form and keep them.

Christmastime at my house was kind of a nightmare. It started with getting the Christmas tree. We'd go and pick one up, either at a tree farm or a tree lot on the corner, and deciding which one was the "perfect" one was kind of a joke because each one of us had a different opinion. It wasn't fun - it always ended up in an argument. Then, when we'd get home, the argument would spill over into getting the tree in the stand - my dad would be yelling at the boys because they wouldn't hold the tree still long enough for him to push the screws in. I would end up in my room because I hated listening to them. Putting the lights on the tree was a horrible chore, because that meant figuring out which lights needed to be replaced. Decorating the tree was fun - providing the boys didn't yell at you for putting an ornament where they wanted to put one. There was no sense of camaraderie - only a sense of begrudging duty. There was little happiness, a lot of anger, and an attitude that people would rather be anywhere but there. I can remember hearing my mom crying late at night, and I am sure all of the animosity hurt her soul beyond repair.

I am writing this so that you can get a sense of why Christmas is such a "big deal" to me. I know, at a certain level, that part of the reason why I decorate my house so lavishly is because I am trying to "make up" for those Christmases past as a child. I know that I tend to go all out for the kids because that didn't happen for me as a kid. I know that I do so much for my family at Christmas time because I want the memories to be happy and loving ones. I want to give my kids traditions to pass on to their kids. I am also trying to help them understand that the REAL reason for Christmas IS Christ's birth. Without His coming into this world, I would never have been able to get beyond the pain and unhappiness of my childhood and get to where I am today - a woman who has forgiven and who has been forgiven, a woman whose broken heart is now whole, a woman who loves and has been loved, and a woman who strives to give everything because she has been given everything.

Christmas is a story of redemption. And I have truly been redeemed by Christ's presence in my life.