Saturday, June 16, 2007

Accepted and Acceptance

I've been putting of writing this entry for awhile because I am not sure how to say what I want to say. The words that are swirling in my head can't seem to slow down long enough for me to be able to grasp them in order to put them together into some sort of semblance of meaning. I've had to distance myself emotionally from this situation because if I focus in on my feelings, then I am overcome with the sadness and anger and disappointment. I've had to learn that this is not about me, nor is it about whether or not I'm a good mom, nor should I wonder if I didn't do enough or if perhaps I did too much. It's not a reflection on me because it didn't come about as a result of choices I made or didn't make. This is about learning from mistakes, growing as a result of them, and ultimately, forgiving someone even when you don't feel like it. As Mother Theresa said, "If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive".

I sent TP off to college on a beautiful sunny day last fall. If you recall, it was quite an adjustment for me to watch her go - but she had a dream to follow, and a life of her own to live. She was full of promise and promises - the promise of achievement and success, and promises to stay on the right track. TP faced many difficulties once she got on campus - from having a roommate who did all she could to entice TP into a sordid life, to facing temptations which were too difficult to pass up, to finding it hard to balance a social life with an academic life, to finding out too late that freedom comes not only with responsibilities but with consequences as well. Her transformation changed her into a young woman who was unrecognizable to me. It broke my heart to see what was happening to her. Trust was broken time and time again. Lies were told. Covering up and omitting information became second nature to her. She was squandering her education and her soul to the empty promises that she would be happy if she would only do this, or try that, or to become someone who shouldn't have to worry about what her parents thought or what God's will was.

It's been a long road. But she's home now. And she is striving diligently to get back on track. At this school, you are "weeded out" during your freshman year as to whether or not you are accepted into the nursing program at the end of year. TP didn't get accepted. So, we had to make a decision. Does she go there next year and apply again at the end of her sophomore year? If she did that, then she'd be there for five years, and that didn't appeal to her. At the same time, if she left there, then she'd be leaving behind some good friends whom she had made this past year, and she'd be leaving a great school with a wonderful academic reputation. In the end, the decision was made to apply to a different nursing school with an accelerated BSN program which she could complete in 3 years or less. We found out on Wednesday that she was accepted there. She will be living at home with us. To put it simply, dorm life can be pure hell in many different ways, so we welcome her back home with open arms and loving hearts. Forgiveness is a gift which helps to heal all of those feelings of sadness and anger and disappointment.

I love you, TP. Don't ever forget that. I know it was a very painful and difficult year for you, and that you have learned many lessons the hard way. I hope that someday, you and I will be able to talk more about what happened so that we can become close once again. You have so much to offer the world - and you know that I will always be your greatest cheerleader. I am so happy that you have chosen to get back on track with us and with the Lord. You're my babe, and you are very precious to me.


At 8:44 AM, Blogger HeyJules said...

TP's adventures at college sound remarkably like mine. I'm glad to see she has someone willing to accept her for her mistakes and to help her get back on track. I wish you both all the best.

At 4:38 PM, Blogger Name said...

God has such wonderful plans for all of us. Sometimes it's so hard to see past today, but the rewards of doing so are immeasurable.
Congratulations to TP - to be accepted into the new program and what a blessing for both of you that she will be living at home! I hope and pray that's it will be a wonderful time for you both and a great time to get to know each other again, with TP as an adult!
Thank you for your visit and especially for your prayers.
You and your family remain in my prayers and I know that God has great things in store for you.

At 10:58 PM, Blogger Rosemary Bogdan said...

Dorm life can be really destructive. You and TP will be in my prayers. So glad she'll be at home.

At 4:48 PM, Blogger Shawnda said...

I just can't imagine what this year has been like for you and TP! Thanks for sharing as much as possible with us so that we can pray and learn with you!!! Thankful that TP is home for now, may the Lord use it for eternal purposes!

At 10:55 PM, Blogger Gina Burgess said...

Life's road bumps sure make life interesting. I'm thinking this was very good for TP. She's learned there are consequences and a person cannot skate through life just getting all the good and not having any bad. And it isn't like being able to choose only red jelly beans and leaving all the black ones for someone else.

Praise God she is safe and praise God she had you and hubby as a safety net, not a hammock, but a safety net.

At 12:13 PM, Anonymous ukok said...


Wow! TP has really come full circle hasn't she? This doesn't mean that she is defeated, but that it is God's will for her to be with you once again, for the time being. She's had a year to stretch those wings and fly, and my, has she flown....but she has found her way back to you.

She can still have friends, still flex those wings, still ask the awkward questions, knowing that these life experiences can work for the Good, because God can do great things even with them.

Congratulations to TP on being accepted into another nursing college!

To consider nursing as a profession your daughter must surely have to have a generous spirit .

I'm sure that as she accepts the somewhat scary responsibilities of college and work she will become more grounded over time and that's a good doesn't mean the end of having fun, it's more to do with learning that some boundaries are in place for our own wellbeing and that we each have a duty towards those who care for us.

I lived fast and loose as a teenager and I regret the pain that I caused my parents. We were estranged for quite a while because I failed to appreciate them and honour them as I should. Now that I'm old and they're older still, I wish I had realised it sooner....but I am so thankful that I at least came to appreciate them eventually.

I'm so glad T.P is home again. There will be plenty of adventures, they don't all have to happen now.


At 10:17 PM, Blogger My Kid's Mom said...

Jules - Thank you, my friend.

Ann - I appreciate your prayers and concern. I view TP's living at home as a blessing, too.

Rosemary - I totally agree with your comment about dorm life! It's doubtful I'll send my youngest daughter to a dorm, in light of what I've learned from this experience.

Shawnda - I know that God has great things in store for TP. I keep on praying that she is able to discern what His will is for her.

Gina - I agree, I think TP learned a lot from all of this, so in that sense, it was good. BTW - my favorite jelly beans are the black ones!

Deb - You always take so much time and write such lovely things to me. Thank you, my friend. You're a kindred spirit.

At 11:15 PM, Blogger Darlene said...

TP is such a wonderful kid. I know that life is so difficult in our early adult years, we have to make so many choices that affect our lives. I think that this new plan sounds best for all of you, and I'm happy to hear that she's home again :)

At 8:53 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

Oh Valerie,
At least you have your baby back at home where you can watch her, and get your bond back with her. I have made some bad decisions young, and I have become a stronger person by learning from them. Take care.


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