Accepted and Acceptance

I've been putting of writing this entry for awhile because I am not sure how to say what I want to say. The words that are swirling in my head can't seem to slow down long enough for me to be able to grasp them in order to put them together into some sort of semblance of meaning. I've had to distance myself emotionally from this situation because if I focus in on my feelings, then I am overcome with the sadness and anger and disappointment. I've had to learn that this is not about me, nor is it about whether or not I'm a good mom, nor should I wonder if I didn't do enough or if perhaps I did too much. It's not a reflection on me because it didn't come about as a result of choices I made or didn't make. This is about learning from mistakes, growing as a result of them, and ultimately, forgiving someone even when you don't feel like it. As Mother Theresa said, "If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive".



I sent TP off to college on a beautiful sunny day last fall. If you recall, it was quite an adjustment for me to watch her go - but she had a dream to follow, and a life of her own to live. She was full of promise and promises - the promise of achievement and success, and promises to stay on the right track. TP faced many difficulties once she got on campus - from having a roommate who did all she could to entice TP into a sordid life, to facing temptations which were too difficult to pass up, to finding it hard to balance a social life with an academic life, to finding out too late that freedom comes not only with responsibilities but with consequences as well. Her transformation changed her into a young woman who was unrecognizable to me. It broke my heart to see what was happening to her. Trust was broken time and time again. Lies were told. Covering up and omitting information became second nature to her. She was squandering her education and her soul to the empty promises that she would be happy if she would only do this, or try that, or to become someone who shouldn't have to worry about what her parents thought or what God's will was.



It's been a long road. But she's home now. And she is striving diligently to get back on track. At this school, you are "weeded out" during your freshman year as to whether or not you are accepted into the nursing program at the end of year. TP didn't get accepted. So, we had to make a decision. Does she go there next year and apply again at the end of her sophomore year? If she did that, then she'd be there for five years, and that didn't appeal to her. At the same time, if she left there, then she'd be leaving behind some good friends whom she had made this past year, and she'd be leaving a great school with a wonderful academic reputation. In the end, the decision was made to apply to a different nursing school with an accelerated BSN program which she could complete in 3 years or less. We found out on Wednesday that she was accepted there. She will be living at home with us. To put it simply, dorm life can be pure hell in many different ways, so we welcome her back home with open arms and loving hearts. Forgiveness is a gift which helps to heal all of those feelings of sadness and anger and disappointment.



I love you, TP. Don't ever forget that. I know it was a very painful and difficult year for you, and that you have learned many lessons the hard way. I hope that someday, you and I will be able to talk more about what happened so that we can become close once again. You have so much to offer the world - and you know that I will always be your greatest cheerleader. I am so happy that you have chosen to get back on track with us and with the Lord. You're my babe, and you are very precious to me.