A Miracle and an Angel

Twenty one years ago tonight, I was in a hospital room, drinking gallons of nasty medicine to clean out my system for my hysterectomy the next day.

I was absolutely terrified. I was ready to call off the surgery. I had never been under anesthesia, nor had I ever been in a hospital. The surgery was to remove a several benign tumors, a huge endometrial mass caused by endometriosis, and all of my female organs. What I was most frightened of was waking up and having the oncologist who was performing the surgery tell me that I had cancer, as there was a possibility of ovarian cancer.

The doctor I had was wonderful. He described what he would be doing, he was very calm and confident, and he sincerely cared about my well being. He was very well known not only for his bedside manner but his keen surgical skills as a gynecological oncologist. I remember telling him about my biggest fear of waking up and hearing his voice saying "it's cancer".

I didn't sleep well at all that night. There was a lady next door who was vomiting every 5 minutes. They knew for certain she had ovarian cancer, so they decided to operate on her first thing in the morning at 7 a.m., which was my original time slot. They told me it would take about 4 hours, and I should be ready to go to the O.R. by noon. So, needless to say, everytime I heard the distinctive surgery ring from the phone, I jumped, thinking they were summoning me as the next patient to be wheeled downstairs. I was finally summoned at 4:00 p.m., as the lady's surgery took much longer than anticipated. At about 4:30, a nurse came in and gave me a shot of some wonderful medicine (which I found out later was Demerol) which let me not have a care in the world as my gurney took me away to my fate. I noticed my husband smiling at me, and the aides having a bewildered look in their eyes when they looked at me - and it wasn't until the next day that my husband explained that I was saying some pretty stupid things on my way to surgery.

I do remember getting into the O.R. and Dr. Bell was waiting for me. By this time, it was close to 5:30, and he apologized for being so late. I was feeling rather magnanomous by that time, and told him that it was quite all right, he could keep me waiting anytime. He smiled and started asking me questions about my home town, and then everything went black. It seemed like two seconds later, I was in recovery, and my body was shaking because I was so cold. Dr. Bell asked me a couple of questions like what day it was, where was I, etc. , and then he said "Val, it wasn't cancer". I just smiled, and said "Thank God, and thank you", and I went back to sleep. I was now on my way to recuperating from the emotional and physical trauma my mind and body had just went through. It was, indeed, a miracle from God. And it paved the way for my next miracle, when, six and a half months later, I became a mom of my beautiful adopted daughter, TP.

What touched me the most during this whole ordeal was something special which Dr. Bell did for me. My surgery took about 5 hours to perform, which would mean I was finished by around 10:30. He waited by my bedside for me to wake up, which was at around midnight. By this time, he had been at the hospital for almost 20 hours straight. He actually remembered that my biggest fear was hearing the words that I had cancer, and he wanted to make sure that I woke up to the sound of his voice telling me I was cancer-free. It was the voice of an angel that greeted me through the foggy remnants of the anesthesia, to deliver that miraculous message.

And, by the way, I owe a big "thank you" to my husband througout this whole ordeal. He was my rock. He helped me through it - and he was very patient and kind and loving even when I was not. I told him tonight that, in a way, I wish it was 21 years ago so that I could re-live these years all over again. He looked at me like I was nuts, and said he liked where he was right now in his life. Don't get me wrong - I like where I am, too, for the most part - but I would dearly love to re-live the times again when the girls were little. It was so much fun, there was so much love and laughter.

Twenty one years ago, I was given a second chance at life. I am so grateful for that, because without it, I never would have had the beautiful experience of being my kid's mom. I love you, girls!!!

Lupus...Find a Cure

October is Lupus Awareness Month.

My oldest was diagnosed over 4 years ago with this disease. Thanks to excellent doctors and God's grace, she has not had a flare in two years.

Please keep her and all other victims of this disease in your prayers, and please pray for a CURE! Visit www.lupus.org for further information.

Time to Think

Not having power from Sunday afternoon until Thursday afternoon last week, and then waiting an additional two days until the internet connection was restored, gave me time to think about how blessed we are to have these "modern" conveniences in our lives. Living out in the country, (actually, I am only two miles away from the city, but I do live on the outskirts of town on 3 acres), we've had plenty of occasions where we've had to use our generator due to the weather. But, never for this length of time. And, we've never been without internet for that long, either.

The generator was such a blessing - we were able to preserve all of our food, and have warm water with which to take showers, and have electricity in our bedroom at night so we could read or watch tv. But, I can't begin to tell you how many times I went to turn on lights when I went into a room! And, the darkness outside seemed even more pronounced at night because we didn't have our outside lights on - our dogs didn't like that part one bit!

Not having internet was horrible. I would reach for my laptop during the day, only to be reminded of its' uselessness. I missed having that outside connection with family and friends. I missed reading the news and my favorite blogs. I missed, especially, not having my email. It's amazing how dependent I've become on this form of communication!

I also became aware that I go on the internet far too often during the day. It's such a time-consumer. So, as a result, I am altering the amount of time spent on this thing. From now on, I will only spend some time on it in the morning, at around noon, and then again in the evening. No more "little visits" throughout the day, which end up being longer visits than I intended.

This week, too, I had time to think about my future, and what God is asking me to do for the next 20 or 30 years of my life. Our financial situation is such (due to loss of income) that now I am going to need to find a job on top of my part-time work in my counseling office. This will be very difficult for me, as I have so many other things going on in my life, so to try to find time to work even more hours will be a challenge. But, it must be done, as college expenses and wedding expenses and retirement are all money-consuming events. Actually, I don't mind working for things when they hold so much value. College is so very important for my girls because they need to have an education so they can support themselves and not be in jobs where they struggle to make ends meet. Nice weddings - not extravagant - will bring me pleasure to help plan with them (and not have a wedding planner due to their huge expense and unneccessary presence because when we can do it ourselves) ; and besides, I would like to give a wedding to my girls because it's something I've always dreamed about doing for them so that they don't have to pay for their own and enter into marriage full of debt (and stress from the debt). And retirement will be the icing on the cake when we reach that milestone and we want to be able to enjoy it.

I had time to think about my relationships with God, with my kids and husband, and with my friends. It's amazing - I realized that with all of them, I needed to devote more time nurturing every single relationship I have. It's not that I've been neglectful, but more like that I've been taking them for granted and thus have not been doing special things for them. I realized that it was time to also take better care of myself, as I've been neglecting some things which are important, and I want to keep on being healthy and stay around for a long time.

I had time to think about my writing, and I realize how much I do miss doing it on a regular basis. So, I am going to try to post at least twice a week, if not more, from now on. Plus, I have a couple of other things on the back burner which I need to start working on and developing.

So, perhaps having the power out and the internet down was a blessing in disguise because it gave me some time to ponder all of these things.

In the meantime, I hope all is well with all of you, and that you have a wonderful week ahead.

The After Effects

Hurricane Ike blew into Ohio on Sunday afternoon, knocking out power. Fortunately, we have a generator, so we didn't lose any of our food, and we had lights at night so we could read and watch t.v. But power wasn't restored until yesterday afternoon, after 91 hours of being without it. Now, I am waiting for the internet connection to be restored. . . I'm at my office right now, catching up on a few things.

I hate being without the internet - it's amazing how connected we are to technology!

Oh, if you get a chance, could you say a prayer for a special intention? Thanks!

Rebecca St. James: Why I'm Waiting

This is an interview with Rebecca St. James, whose video "Wait for Me" I just posted a few days ago. She explains why she is going to reamin chaste until she marries - which is an important message for us to pass on to our daughters AND sons. She also mentions that our God is a god of forgivness and second chances, so if by chance a person has made the mistake of not waiting, then that person can make the vow to remain chaste once again.

A young man, James Berkon, has written a book entitled "Made New" which discusses the concept of "secondary virginity", which is when a person decides to become pure once again and to make a solemn vow to wait. He describes how premarital sex affects a person on many levels. Please visit his website at http://secondaryvirginity.com
It has a lot of great information on it - not only about his book but also other resources which are available out there to young women and men who are struggling with the after-effects of their decision to have sex prior to marriage. It is my hope and prayer that James' message, and Rebecca St. James' message, will touch a few hearts and souls out there, and help those people to become "Made New" once again.

The Wedding Song,

Thirty three years ago, on a beautiful autumn day in Michigan (it actually snowed in the afternoon of that day - September 13, 1975), my husband and I were married.

This was one of the songs in our ceremony.

Thirty three years, with God's grace, we have shared our lives, our dreams, our hopes, our tears, and our laughter. Two children were brought into our marriage, making us a whole family.

God has always been at the center of our marriage; hence the reason why we've been able to sustain our relationship. He has carried us through the pain and the joys. He has blessed us over and over and over again. Without Him, nothing is possible.

For there is love. . .

Here's to another 33, babe! I love you.

9/11 Montage - Part 1

This is still so fresh in my memory. . .

9/11 Montage - Part 2

We must NEVER forget.

Wait for Me-Rebecca St. James

This is a song which I would like to dedicate to all young women out there.

It is SO important to remain firm in your beliefs about being chaste. When you lose your purity, you lose many things. You lose a man's respect because you have become a sex object (have you heard how men have talked about girls who have had sex - they laugh about you and put you down and call you names). You lose the high standards you used to have for yourself and your behaviors. You hurt your relationship with God. Your parents and your family suffer. You lose friencships because people lose respect for you - you are not the person you used to be. Your chances of getting an STD increase dramatically. If you've lived with a guy before getting married, your marriage has a 75% chance of ending up in a divorce.

Have you ever thought of how you want to raise your own little girl? Don't you want her to remain pure and chaste, or do you want her to suffer from low self-esteem and insecurities (does he love me for me or for what my body can give to him)? Do you really want her to have to worry about STD's or getting pregnant or having a bad reputation? Don't you want her to wait for just one man who will treasure her for who she is and will wait for her until that ring is placed on her finger? Don't you want her to respect you and her daddy for waiting for each other?

So many of the clients I see regret losing their virginity before marriage. They suffer with feelings of low self-esteem, they hate how they were taken advantage of, they hate how they were manipulated into having sex - they thought if they didn't do it then they'd lose the guy. They live with the guilt of their actions for the rest of their lives. To get rid of the guilt, they develop eating disorders, drinking problems, or get into drugs. They never feel "clean". Until. . . they make it right with the Lord again and get back on the right road. They can reclaim their purity once again by deciding to not allow themselves to be used in such a manner ever again. As the song says, there IS forgiveness and a second chance. . .

The lyrics of this song says it all:

Darling did you know that I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time
Darling did you knwo that I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you

Darling wait
Darling wait

Darling did you know I dream about life together
Knowing it will be FOREVER
I'll be yours and you'll be mine
And darling when I say
Till death do us part
I'll mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you

Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there's forgiveness and a second chance
So wait for me
Darling wait for me
Wait for me
Wait for me

Cause I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait
Wait for me
Darling wait
Cause I'm waiting for you
Cause I'm waiting for you
So wait for me
Darling wait
WAIT FOR ME