Odds and Ends

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your wonderful and touching feedback about my letter to my kids' "other mother". Some of you thought perhaps it was written for DQ's biological mom, but in reality, I wrote it with both biological moms in mind - DQ's and TP's. And because both of these adoptions are closed, I have no way to send this letter out to either mom. I've been asked by a couple of people if I would mind if they reprinted this letter and put it on their websites, and I gave them permission to do so, as long as I was given credit by using my first name and the initial of my last name, which is "W". So, if you would like to reprint it, all I ask is that you do the same, OK?

Secondly, tomorrow is the first day of Lent. This year, I am actually looking forward to this holy season. Jules and I started up a blog specifically geared towards Lent, so please check it out at www.fortytoforever.blogspot.com. It's not to late to join, so please let me know if you are interested.

And finally, please check out Darlene's ezine at www.christianwomenonline.net .
The March edition is now up now and fully functional And it is awesome. It's beautiful. It's breathtaking. She has worked so diligently on this endeavor, so please drop her a note of thanks. My very first magazine article is in it, so I m excited and nervous at the same time.

God bless each and every one of you as this Lenten season begins.

To the Other Mother

Somewhere, out there. . .

Somewhere, out there, is a young lady who is wondering whatever became of the baby she gave birth to. I can see her in my mind's eye now. She's sitting on her bed, writing in her journal, asking a million different questions for which she may never get the answers. Therefore, I have decided to give this young woman a gift in the form of a letter. . . a letter from the adoptive mom to the birth mom.

My dear. . . I want to start this letter by first telling you a little bit about your daughter. She is beautiful - absolutely breathtaking. Her smile lights up the room and melts your heart in an instant. She is almost "too" intelligent, yet at the same time, she is somewhat naive. She is very social and has lots of friends, and she is doing great in school. She is loved for who she is, and that person has been formed as a result of your selfless love and our unconditional love.

Your daughter, I am thinking, probably looks a lot like you! I am sure she has a lot of your mannerisms. She talks about you, and she wonders what you look like, where you are living, and what you are doing now. She is especially curious if you are married and have had other kids by now, and if they all know about her. She has known since day one that she was adopted, and she is very comfortable about it. At the same time, she has asked countless questions about you, and I have answered them to the best of my ability, always letting her know how very much you loved her. It is interesting to me that she has rarely asked about her birth father. She says he's just a shadowy figure in the background who doesn't really mean anything to her because he didn't stay around to help you out. There is no anger towards him - there is just nothing there. She is so very grateful you didn't have an abortion - that you gave her the chance to live!

Your daughter loves you very much. At the same time, she loves me. But there is no tug-of-war in her heart as to whom she loves more - she just loves us differently. And I am so glad that she loves you without reservation. She never, ever felt abandoned by you, so please do NOT worry about that! In fact, she is a very secure person, knowing she has two moms - one who was chosen to give birth to her, and one who was chosen to be "the mommy who raised me up".

I also want to let you know that I love you, too. I can never thank you enough for giving me the gift of being her "other" mom. Your daughter has brought so much joy to everyone she meets, and you would be very, very proud of her. I will always keep you in my heart and in my prayers. In fact, there is not a day that goes without me saying a prayer of thanksgiving for you and your daughter. God has blessed me with your gift of a daughter, and I pray that he blesses you with peace and comfort knowing that she is loved and happy. There will be a special place in heaven for you, my dear. And I can't wait to meet you there!

My Baby

DQ's birthday is this weekend - she'll be fifteen already! I should say she's 14 going on 40 - at least, it seems that way at times!

This beauty was God's surprise to us. We had been on the waiting list for our second adoption, this time through a local agency, and we were told we had about a six month waiting list still, and then we got a "surprise" call from our lawyer. He had a baby - about 10 days old, in foster care right now because Mom wanted to "hand-select" the adoptive parents. Were we interested? What do you think our response was? Oh, one minor detail - she's biracial. He said he'd give us the weekend to think about it.

We thought and prayed, and prayed some more. We knew we wanted her, but was society ready for us to have her? (That will be the topic of a whole different post). Were our families ready to open up their arms and hearts to a little munchkin who was "different" than we were? Were WE ready for the stares and comments which we were certain to endure over the upcoming years? The answer was "yes". We were ready - we wanted DQ, and DQ needed a home.

We picked her up several days later at her foster home. TP was almost three years old, and she looked at DQ with huge eyes, walked over to DQ. TP patted the baby's head, looked up at me, and said "I want her - let's take her home". I knew from that moment on, that our decision was the right one.

Fast forward 15 years. DQ is now a tall, willowy young lady with a huge, dimpled smile which melts your heart. She is bright, creative, and intensely loyal to those whom she loves (except when Mom or Dad says something dumb in front of her friends, then she does the eye-roll thing). She's gifted musically. She's precocious. And she's very, very slow at cleaning her room and doing her homework.

She captured my heart from the first second I laid eyes on her dark curly hair and beautiful captivating dark eyes. We have the same temper, so we butt heads at time, but we are quick to forgive and love all over again.

She wants to go to Hollywood someday - either as an actress or a filmmaker. I tell her it's great to follow her dreams, as long as she has an education behind her which can help to pay the bills while she's pursuing her dream. It wouldn't surprise me if she did become a film editor some day - her talent is amazing.

DQ feels her emotions very intensely - hence, the nickname "Drama Queen" (it also goes along with her penchant for acting). When TP was sick, DQ was extremely worried about her sister. When the dog gets hurt, DQ is right there, making sure the dog's all right. She's a very spiritual person - who asks such deep questions that I wonder if she's on the way to being a philosopher.

I love the young woman DQ is becoming. She's always been a tiny little thing - but huge on love, drama, and her heart! I pray that she has a long and happy and healthy life, serving others and Her Lord.

And, as is our usual custom, we will say a special prayer for the young woman who gave birth to DQ. She loved DQ enough to allow someone else the privelege and honor of raising her daughter. I pray that she has had a good life, and that she will be rewarded for her selfless act of love.

FORTY DAYS TO FOREVER

Our new Lenten blog will be called "Forty Days to Forever".

Jules, at www.faithorfiction.blogspot.com has started up the new blog and will be issuing invitations to all of you who have expressed interest in joining this wonderful new way of praying together during the holy season of Lent. You don't have to have your own blogger page, but you do need to contact Jules at faithorfiction@att.net and give her your e-mail address. From there, she will issue you an invitation via email with the header "Blogger Invites" - don't delete it! - and follow the instructions from there. You'll notice that the blogger address is a bit different than the blog name (it's Forty to Forever rather than Forty Days to Forever).

You can post every day, several times a day, or only once during the forty days of Lent. Just post from your heart! It's that simple - nothing else is required. Jules and I will be posting a scripture verse every day for your reflection, but do not feel the need to stay on that topic, ok? This blog is for YOU to pray as you want to.

If you have any questions or comments, please write them below in the comment section. Thanks, and God Bless!!!

THE LENTEN PRAYER BLOG

How would you like to participate in a Lenten Prayer blog? Jules (from Faith or Fiction) and I have been discussing this project for the last several days, and we need YOUR help! We have narrowed down the blog name to two selections: "Whispers of the Heart" or "Forty Days to Forever". Please leave me a comment below and let me know which one of those names YOU like best, ok? Voting closes this coming Monday morning. (Update - we'll keep the polls open until Monday evening, in case you didn't get a chance to read about this over the weekend).

A few weeks ago, I left a comment on Jules blog that perhaps we should do a Lenten prayer blog, and of course, Jules took the idea and ran with it!!! We'd like to include ALL bloggers out there with whom we've come into contact - all you have to do is have a blogger I.D.

Please indicate in the comment box below that you want to join this group, and as soon as we get the template up, we'll issue the invitations. The blog will go from Ash Wednesday until Good Friday.

Jules and I will be posting a different scripture verse at the top of the blog every day. You can use this verse for meditation, and then you can write a prayer based on that meditation, or you can write whatever is on your heart for that day.

As Jules said on her blog, "The goal is to give people a chance to see how other people pray and to inspire each other in prayer. . . (do you) see a prayer that you love or like the way someone expresses their prayer? Leave them a comment! Feel the same way they do and feel like they helped you - tell them so! Opening ourselves up to new styles and ways to pray is what this is all about! Just keep in mind that it's the season of Lent and we would like some of the prayers to be focused on what that means to you".

Please feel free to mention this on YOUR blog to help spread the word. We'd love to have a lot of participants so that God will be inundated with our prayers during the 40 days of Lent.

So, please vote for the name in the comment box below, and also indicate if you'd like to be part of this group prayer blog!!

Happpy Birthday, Ruth

Tomorrow is my best friend's birthday. It's been over 10 years since I've sent her a birthday card, but I still wish her a "Happy Birthday" from my heart. I miss her presence in my life so much that sometimes it brings me to tears, but the fact remains, I will never see her again.

Ruth was a prim and proper minister's daughter. I met her in my freshman year at college when I asked if I could borrow a pen from her. We started talking, and we found we shared many interests even though we were the direct opposites of each other. She was quiet, and I was a bit brassy at that age. She would laugh at my somewhat ribald jokes with a bit of a shocked look on her face. But we both shared a deep love of God, and we spent hours talking about what God had in store for us in the future.

Eventually, we moved away and got married and started our families. Through it all, we kept in touch - phone calls, letters, and sometimes a quick visit. We were so "in tune" with each other that we could virtually pick up where we left off without missing a beat.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1986. She successfully completed her chemotherapy, but she was left with the unshakable fear that her life would be cut short, and her kids would be without a mom. When I became a mom for the first time in 1988, she lovingly made a beautiful patchwork quilt for TP. Over the next few years, as her health stabilized, Ruth became more confident that she had a long life ahead of her.

I didn't hear from her at Christmastime in 1995. I knew she was busy, as was I, so I thought I'd just give her a call on her birthday in February. When I called her home, her daughter answered and said that Ruth was taking a nap and would call me back later. I had a strange feeling about that answer, but I dismissed it.

I got the phone call from Ruth's husband at the end of April. Ruth had died the week before of cancer. It had spread to the liver, and by the time they found out about it in March, it was too late to do anything. Her husband said he had been going through her things, and he found her address book, and he noticed that my birthday was coming up. So he was calling to let me know the news, because he knew I would want to know. I was in shock as I hung up the phone. TP saw the look on my face and asked me what was wrong. I told her as gently as I could about Ruth, and TP ran to get the blanket which had been made by Ruth eight years before. TP handed the blanket to me (her most prized possession), and said "Here, mom, you can have this now to keep Ruth's love warm in your heart". You can imagine what those words did to me.

Why Ruth never called me to let me know she was so ill, I will never know. That is not important. What is important is that her love helped me through some of the toughest times of my life. Her love is still the guiding force in her family. Her spirit is still alive today in many ways. When I look at that quilt she made 18 years ago for TP, I smile and remember her laugh.

Happy Birthday, Ruth. You are missed. You are loved. And thank you again for being my best friend.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY AND OTHER THINGS

I just wanted to wish all of you a Happy Valentine's Day!

A couple of things to pass on your way. STACY IS BACK! (well, kind of, she says). I've missed her a lot, so I was very excited with this news. If you've never met her before, please pay her a visit and say "hi". She can be found at http://notadesperatehousewife.mu.nu

Also, my column in the new e-zine will be appearing in the March edition, so keep on checking over there at www.christianwomenonline.net

I'm going to be working with Jules, who has a superb site at www.faithorfiction.blogspot.com , on a Lenten blog. We've got to sit down and plan it sometime this week, but I'll let you know more details when they become available.

I'm on a diet - I've lost 4 pounds this past week - and then tonight, I splurged on a piece of cheesecake which my husband brought home for Valentine's Day (I just couldn't hurt his feelings by NOT eating it, you know). So, I've probably gained 3 out of the 4 back. Anyway, I am determined to lose about 30 pounds before summer begins. Wish me luck!

We are all awaiting the test results for Rebekah at www.rebekahspage.blogspot.com She's been on my mind all day today. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.

I'm about ready to shoot TP's guidance counselor - she's messed up so many things for TP's scholarship applications. Actually, I better hasten to say I wouldn't actually shoot her. . . Anyway, I'll fill you in on the details in a couple of days.

Speaking of shooting, check out Jeff's bumper sticker about Cheney - it is SO cool - head on over to www.thinksink.blogspot.com . Hey, Jeff, I'm still waiting for that ride in your thinksink automobile. I know, I know - you've been busy tormenting poor Darlene lately!

Well, I must get going and finish my taxes - I have a date with my accountant tomorrow afternoon (groan). However, it IS such a good feeling to get them done before April 14th for a change!

STRESSFUL WEEK

My youngest daughter, DQ, has been diagnosed with ADD since she was about six years old. I had seen symptoms earlier than that age, but it can't truly be diagnosed until the child is in school. As a mental health professional, I have treated countless kids with this disorder - but it is different when the child is your own.

DQ isn't the "typical" kid with ADD. First of all, she isn't hyperactive, which is what the majority of lay people think of when you first mention Attention Deficit Disorder. Second of all, she's has a very high IQ - which has been her saving grace - but then, it makes it more difficult to convince the teachers that DQ truly does have a learning disaibility. So many of DQ's teachers have said to me, point-blank, "There is no way she has ADD - she's too intelligent - so, she is just being lazy and irresponsible".

When a child has the inattentive type of ADD, they have difficulty concentrating and following through on a task. They often lose things necessary to complete the task. They have great difficulty with organizational skills. If I had a dime for every time I've said to DQ "Pick up after yourself", or "Are you done yet?", then I honestly would be a billionaire by now.

Medication helps to a certain degree, but the main thing to tackle is the lack of attention to detail and the disorganization. This can be VERY frustating for someone like me who is extremely detail oriented. At the same time, I am so very grateful that I have the background and the skills necessary to help DQ with some of her "problem areas".

This past week has been a very stressful one at my house, as DQ has gone downhill aprubtly in her schoolwork. The first quarter, she was on the Academic Honor Roll. The second quarter, she slipped some, but not alarmingly so. However, the past few weeks, she's let her quality of work slip dangerously. Needless to say, this has caused a lot of strain in our relationship. The older she becomes, the less willing she is able to accept advice or constructive "criticism", or assistance with study/organizational skills. We have been butting heads, to put it mildly.

On top of it all, I've been having to finish taxes and scholarship applications. I haven't even touched insurance paperwork. Going to the Bahamas sounds really, really good right about now. . . But, now you know why blogging has been light for me the past week!

An Exciting Announcement

A few days ago, Darlene Schacht of www.wwjblog.blogspot.com fame, announced a project that she had been working on for awhile.. Her brainchild is in the form of an e-zine, of which she is editor, and the link to this magazine can be found on the right hand side of my blog, or by going to www.christianwomenonline.net . She also asked five other women to join her on this adventure - Shannon, Terri, Stephanie, Bonnie, and Paula - and each of them bring a unique perspective to the e-zine.

Darlene e-mailed me on Sunday, and asked if I would like to join her on this endeavor as another contributor. I was so touched and deeply humbled by her request, and of course, I replied that it would be an honor. I have had a long-time dream of writing for a magazine, and Darlene has made my dream come true! My focus will be on my life as a mom to two teenage daughters, who was "chosen" by God to be her kid's mom through adoption - hence the tagline "Chosen to be My Kid's Mom".

As Darlene said, "The site will be non-denominational because its sole purpose is to unite women, and feed them on the Word of God. The columns are written to encourage women to take a deeper walk with God. It will be a wonderful source for personal devotion, and an encouragement to those who are tinkering with the idea of faith. We are women, we are mothers, we are wives, we are human, and in the Spirit we are one".

This is the first month, so the site is still in the process of being set up. We should be fully operational by March 1st. I am SO looking forward to this. Thanks, Darlene, for asking me to join!

The Decision Has Been Made

I have had a couple of days to really think this dilemma through about whether or not to continue on with my blog. I talked it over with my husband, and I prayed about it, and I've received from e-mails from some fellow bloggers. All of you know how to make me feel wanted, and even needed - and I so appreciate the kind words, support, and love!

While I don't really want to get into the reasons about why I was feeling the need to stop blogging, I do want to let you know that I've been struggling with this off and on for awhile. Then, when things happen to me, I tend to use them as reasons for leaving or staying. What I decided I really needed to do is to make a commitment, one way or the other, as whether I stay involved in blogging or to bow out forever. I can't keep on bouncing back and forth.

There is still so much inside of me that I have to say, and this is a wonderful place in which to say it. I love to write, and I love keeping a written record about my thoughts about being a mom, and I love to get feedback from this community. I also love to visit other sites and offer bits of myself to people who have come to mean a lot to me. So, for these reasons, I have decided that I am going to stay here and take my house off the market (see Jeff's depiction of my house below with the "For Sale" sign).

For right now, I have to take a little vacation of a day or two, so that I can get caught up on my "to-do list", and then I'll be back with a couple of stories about my girls which will warm your hearts. Thanks, everybody - I appreciate your wanting me to stay. . .

It May Be Time to Move On

Jeff, at www.thinksink.blogspot.com designed my "new" header for me a couple of weeks ago when he didn't have anything better to do with his time. Today, in a post featuring a missing post, Jeff sent out Inspector Clouseau and the Pink Panther to find it. They toured the blogosphere, and one of the places they happened upon was my "Ramzackle houze". If you've never met Jeff before, please head over to his blog and browse around. If you HAVE met Jeff before, you already know the talent this guy possesses. In the meantime, how do I explain the caption "I Was My Kid's Mom" to my daughters???

Actually, I have shown this to them, and they thought it was hilarious.

In all honesty, I've had a couple of things happen to me recently which have had me thinking that it was time to pack it all up and leave the blogosphere. Perhaps it IS time to move on. . . I'll let you know sometime this week of my decision.

The 5 of 5 Meme

Hector, http://www.beaconforlife.blogs.com , at "Your Pastoral Coach, decided to pass on this meme to me. I had to choose from these two questions:

1). What five things would you ask Jesus should you get into Heaven? OR
2). Who are the first five people you'd like to see in Heaven?

I was going to do question one, but then I changed my mind and decided to answer question two.

The first five people I'd like to see in Heaven are my Mom, my Dad, my best friend Ruth, my husband's Granmother, and my Aunt Margaret. I am also looking forward to meeting ALL of my grandparent when I get up there - for I never met them here on earth (they all were dead before I was even born). My Mom died when I was 14, and my Dad died when I was 33, so I have essentially been an "orphan" for 18 years. My best friend died almost 10 years ago - a loss so painful that I still get tears in my eyes to this day when I think about her. My husband's Grandmother was very much like a grandmother to me in every way imaginable - we became so close that I named TP after her. And my Aunt Margaret was a lady in every sense of the word - very classy and elegant, yet kind and compassionate.

I am supposed to "tag" some of you, but the last time I did that, I was chastised by my picks, so I am leaving it up to my readers to decide if they want to participate. I happen to like meme's, but I realize most people don't, so I don't want to *burden* any of you. So, if you want to play, go for it!

And, don't forget to VOTE for the "Best So Far" Blog Awards - some people you know are nominated over there. POLLS CLOSE FEBRUARY 3RD AT MIDNIGHT! The link is http://blogginoutloud.blogspot.com/2006/02/best-so-far-blog-awards.html . It takes a long time for the page to load, so please be patient.